is this my calling??

I always struggled with this whenever I considered about staying home with the kids..

I am always a worrier, meaning that I worry about almost everything. I worry about the money that I will not bring home every 28th of the month if I stop work. I worry that I will become a nagging auntie! I worry that Paul will find me a bore after facing all the beautifully made up and well dresses gals at work! I worry that I cannot handle the kids well enough. I worry that the kids will find me a bore and nagging mom. I worry that I will not be a good mom even though I stay home with them.. When Paul commented one day that the kids were ill behaved, I wanted to ask him whether he was blaming me for not discipling the kids… Is my self worth dependent on how the kids will turn out since I have no career to show anyone anymore? Or should there be more?

And especially when I lost my temper with the kids when I really cannot tahan!! I wonder, is this my calling?

I asked Kyla whether I should go back to work..

“No, mommy.. I love you, I want to stay home with you!” So sweet, I thought.
“But mommy gets frustrated when you or your mei mei or Elkan don’t listen to me… ” I said
” OK, mommy I will listen to you. Please don’t go back to work!”

It was the same with Ariel and Elkan and so I decided to give myself and three of them another few months to go.

And I pray every night that I will be a good mother to them. God grant me patience and love!! So that I can love my kids…

Oh, of course my beloved hubby too!

stay home mom

I am officially a stay home mom last month after serving my two months notice with the company.

Intially it was OK with only Elkan in the morning and all three in the afternoons. But starting last week was the school holidays and I am stuck with all three every day. And with hubby travelling, I had no one to relieve me at all. I told myself that it will be alright, just keep them occupied. But I realized that it was tough as all three are at different stages and have different demands. What really drive me up the wall is when all three “demanded” for my attention at the same time. Maybe Elkan is being a terror to Ariel with Ariel whining away.. Then Kyla shouts for help while reading her book… I really feel like screaming!!

And so I decided to set up some sort of schedule for the kids.. But most importantly, I need to think of activities to keep them occupied in the mornings and late evenings.

So yesterday, we did leaf printing in the evening. This morning is to the library.. Maybe Thursday morning to the beach if the weather is good. Else will be to Ikea playground. Now I wonder, what else to do? It is going to be a long school holiday for me!